My Biggest Weakness: Procastination in a New Perspective

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always believed that I procrastinate because I lack focus and discipline. Growing up, my father often said that if I were more disciplined, I’d achieve more. This idea stuck with me, and I’ve carried it into adulthood, blaming myself whenever I fail to finish a project or follow through with my ambitions. But recently, I’ve come to a realization that completely shifted my perspective: my procrastination isn’t about focus or discipline—it’s something deeper.

The Old Perspective: Lack of Focus and Discipline

I used to think that my procrastination was a result of not having enough discipline or focus. This belief came from the things my parents would always say, like, “If only you studied as much as you draw.” His words made me feel like I wasn’t doing enough, and that somehow, I was to blame for any lack of progress. Whenever I dropped a project or found myself moving from one interest to another, I would beat myself up, convinced that I just didn’t have the focus or willpower to stick to something.

But no matter how hard I tried to "discipline" myself, the pattern of starting things and not finishing them continued. And the more I believed that my procrastination was a personal failing, the more anxious and overwhelmed I felt. It was a vicious cycle that left me feeling stuck and hopeless. I became more critical and harsh to myself, and it made me became demotivated.

A New Light: The True Cause of My Procrastination

Recently, I had a moment of clarity that changed everything. I realized that procrastination isn’t about laziness or lack of discipline—at least not in my case. The real reasons behind my procrastination are [1] overwhelm from too many options and [2] perfectionism.

I am a highly creative person with a wide range of interests. I want to be a full-time mom, build my business, grow my pyjama brand, nurture my son, pursue illustration, learn photography, learn Chinese and work on a thousand other projects. I find everything fascinating, and as soon as something new catches my eye, I’m drawn to it. But instead of diving deep into one thing, I get overwhelmed by the sheer number of things I want to do. And that’s where the procrastination kicks in.

1. Perfectionism: The Hidden Culprit

Perfectionism has always been lurking in the background, quietly influencing my actions. I don’t start things because I’m afraid I won’t do them perfectly, and I don’t finish them because I’m not satisfied with the result. Perfectionism tells me that if I can’t do something "just right," then I shouldn’t bother at all. This fear of not doing things perfectly makes me avoid them altogether, and it’s been masquerading as procrastination for years.

1. Overwhelm from Too Many Options

Another big factor in my procrastination is the overwhelm I feel from having too many options. I have so many ideas, goals, and dreams that I want to pursue, but trying to juggle them all at once leaves me mentally exhausted. When you’re constantly pulled in a hundred different directions, it’s hard to know where to start—or if you’ll even finish.

I used to think that my jumping from one task to another was a lack of focus, but now I see it as a natural response to being overwhelmed. When you’re faced with too many choices, it’s easier to move from one shiny new idea to the next rather than committing to one and seeing it through.

So what's the real root of my procastination? My perfectionism was giving me fear of making bad choices and not doing something perfectly while too many options is giving me a chance to avoid problem. So my core problem is my fear of making choices (indecisiveness) and too many options is growing my avoidance behaviour.

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The Impact: Anxiety, Lack of Peace, and Mental Clutter

This constant cycle of overwhelm and perfectionism has been a huge source of anxiety in my life. My mind is always racing with unfinished projects, new ideas, and the guilt of not following through. It feels like I’m carrying a mental load of tasks that never get done, and that lack of closure keeps me in a state of anxiety and unrest.

I’ve come to realize that this clutter in my mind is the reason why I often feel anxious, why I overthink, and why I don’t feel the peace I’m searching for. It’s not that I’m lazy or unfocused—it’s that I’ve been overwhelmed by the pressure I put on myself to do everything and to do it perfectly.

Moving Forward: What This New Perspective Means

Now that I understand the true cause of my procrastination, I feel like I can finally breathe. This new perspective has given me the clarity I’ve been missing. Instead of blaming myself for not being disciplined enough, I’ve decided to prioritize. I can’t do it all at once, and that’s okay.

Moving forward, I’m going to focus on fewer things at a time, set smaller goals, and give myself permission to be imperfect. The need to do everything perfectly has held me back for too long, and I’m ready to break free from that mindset.

Conclusion

This realization about my procrastination has been a game-changer for me. It’s allowed me to see my habits in a new light, and it’s given me the freedom to let go of the guilt I’ve carried for so long. I hope this helps anyone reading who might be feeling the same way.

If you’re struggling with procrastination, it might not be about discipline or focus at all. It could be the pressure you’re putting on yourself to do too much or to be perfect. Let’s give ourselves the space to breathe, to do things one step at a time, and to accept that good enough is sometimes more than enough.