Recently, I had a conversation with a close friend about how drained I’ve felt—tired of constantly living for other people. Since it's really hard for me to say no—even harder than doing the task itself.
Whether it's dropping my son off at my parents' house when I'm not feeling well, designing something for people for free, doing free photography services or automatically becoming the go-to person for my friends’ events, I’ve always been stretched thin. I used to feel like I never had time for myself... and the exhaustion was real.
That’s when a close friend of mine gave me some advice that changed my perspective entirely. She gave me a solution to posed an ultimate question that I now ask myself before I do anything:
"Do you want to be the Amanda who is doing this thing right now?"
It's like a 'filter question' to choose tasks that is aligned with my value and a way to appreciate myself more. It's giving me a power over myself to choose things. Is this really the thing I want to be doing?
This question has helped me shift from feeling forced into obligations to making intentional choices. By imagining myself in the third person, I can see myself as Amanda doing that task, and then ask: Do I really want to be the ME that is doing this thing at this moment?
Sometimes, the answer is YES, and sometimes it’s a hard NO.
But either way, it has brought a lot more clarity into my life, my choices.
I now choose what I do because I want to, not because I feel I have to.
This question allows me to take ownership of my time, my energy, and most importantly, my identity.
I’m living my life because I choose it—not because someone else expects me to.
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Writer's note:
I’m so grateful to my friend for this life-changing advice.
I truly hope that anyone who might be in the same place I was before gets the chance to feel what I’m feeling now.