There’s been something on my mind that I just had to write down. I’ve had several conversations with friends who said they want to quit their jobs just to be closer to their kids. But is being close to our children really about spending 24 hours a day with them?
For me, in my point of view, the answer is: not necessarily.
Closeness isn't only about physical presence—it’s about emotional connection. I’ve seen some amazing Moms who is working a full-time job, but still maintain deeply loving, emotionally intimate relationships with their children—even more than most stay-at-home Mom. One of them, in her 60s, even still shares hugs and fun moments with her 30 year-old sons.
This post is a reminder for myself as much as anyone else. A disclaimer: everything I write in this blog is based on my personal parenting journey and experiments with my child. You don’t have to agree with everything—but if it helps even one person, then it’s worth sharing.
Stories of Two Role Models That Changed My View
Role Model #1 - Annie
Eventhough Mrs. Annie doesn’t cook every meal herself, she ensures that everyone in the family eats well. Every time her children pass by her, she greets them with a warm smile. Once in a while, she regularly takes time to go out one-on-one with each of her three kids to nurture individual bonds.
Role Model #2 - Daisy
Mrs. Daisy always work till late at night, even after getting home late from work, the house has rules. One of them is the whole family have to seat on the dining table when she and her husband comes from work and eating dinner on the dining table—usually around 9 to 10pm, even if the child has already eaten. They sit and they talk. That daily dinner conversation is their bonding time for 25 years.
Stay-at-Home Moms vs. Working Moms
Some moms stay home full-time and dedicate themselves entirely to their children. Others work hard from 9 to 5 to provide for their family. So, does working outside the home mean a weaker bond with your child?
Absolutely not.
Some stay-at-home moms spend all day at home but are busy cleaning, cooking, or on their phones. Meanwhile, some working moms spend their evenings giving full attention to their kids—playing, talking, connecting. That’s the quality kids truly crave.
What truly matters is the quality of your presence, not just the amount of time spent.
Even if it's only 30 minutes per day, your full attention to them—without gadget without interruption or judge—is what matters.
So How Can We Serve a 'High Quality Presence'?
Here are a few practical ways:
Create conversations without criticism
Kids don’t always need advice. Sometimes, they just need us to listen. Don’t interrupt. Don’t jump in with opinions. You have to tell the difference between times where they ask for your opinions or times when they just need your validations of the emotions they are feeling.
Make it a two-way conversation
Don’t react too quickly with panic or judgment. Instead, mirror their feelings and gently guide the conversation toward empathy and understanding. Match their excitement and let them finish before responding.
Be truly present
Put down the phone, close the laptop, pause the to-do list. If your mind is elsewhere, kids will feel it. And when you can’t give full attention, be honest and revisit the conversation later. It’s better than pretending to listen.
Share your own stories
Let them know you're human too. When appropriate, talk about your own experiences or struggles. This builds trust and lets them know their opinions matter. You might be surprised by the thoughtful advice they give you in return.
Create a Routine
Simple routines like reading books before bedtime or going to Sunday school followed by a special treat each weekend can make a big difference. Children feel safer in a predictable environment. When they feel safe, they’re more likely to open up and connect with us. Routines give them something to look forward to—and over time, these small moments become the warm memories they’ll carry from their childhood.
At the end of the day, being a present parent isn’t about quitting your job or being with your child 24/7. It’s about showing up fully in the moments that matter. Whether you’re home all day or working full-time, what your child remembers is how seen, heard, and loved they felt around you. So let’s focus on building meaningful connections—through simple routines, heartfelt conversations, and honest presence. That’s what stays with them for a lifetime.
Want to see what small daily gestures can help build a stronger bond with your child? Don’t miss my next post!